Experiential Metabolism

Experiential metabolism refers to our innate capacity to process and incorporate experiences. The process of “incorporation” does not mean the same thing as “integration”.

Just as our bodies metabolize food into energy and building blocks, our minds must metabolize raw experiences—turning confusion into clarity, pain into wisdom, and overwhelming feelings into coherent narratives. This psychological process isn’t about suppressing or avoiding difficult emotions, but rather using the container of story to develop the capacity to hold our experiences long enough to make them our own (rather than someone else’s).

Everyone has challenges digesting their experiences. There are some basic ways to do it:

  • Strength/grit: Just get back on the horse.
    • Pros: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
    • Cons: Every time you fall off the same damn horse, it hurts a little more
  • Detachment: this is most associated with the Buddhist outlook. Attachment to experiences just leads to more attachment, more suffering.
    • Pros: Works on absolutely everything
    • Cons: Can make it difficult to engage with the world and learn from our experiences, which seems to be a requirement for many people
  • Storytelling: Storytelling and myth-making is a classic way for peoples the world over to explain what happened. Myths are rarely “true” in a literal way, but they make up for it by being “acceptable/digestible”.
    • Pros: Once an experience is fit to a classic, mythic structure, rumination and hurt feelings tend to subside naturally, which allows us to see “the rest of the story” more clearly
    • Cons: If you have truly been abused or victimized or put through the wringer, creating a story where you are the triumphant hero can feel like gaslighting yourself

When our Experiential metabolism functions effectively, we transform raw Experiential material into psychological nourishment that strengthens our resilience and deepens our self-awareness. However, when this process falters, we may find ourselves stuck in patterns of rumination, avoidance, or reactivity that prevent genuine growth. Developing healthy Experiential metabolism involves creating internal psychological space where emotions can be acknowledged, explored with curiosity, and ultimately metabolized into meaningful understanding that enriches our lives and relationships rather than depleting them.

Healthy people do this naturally with their personal and romantic lives. They might come out of a tumultuous relationship and give themselves some time alone to process with friends before diving into the next relationship. But the world of work offers few such breaks. Getting passed from one power-hungry boss to the next. Being blindsided by a critical performance review. Getting laid off when you thought you were highly valued. These are extremely common events, particularly in the world of technology. They can be traumatic, and can trigger trauma responses, and we are rarely given the time or the space to process them. Relying on age-old techniques of storytelling, a developed Experiential metabolism, when given space to work, can free you from rumination. It allows you to start to move on, and ask the key question that so few ask: “OK, I understand what happened. What else is there to take away?”