Own Your Impact

When I first became a manager, I was shocked at the change in reward cycles. I used to solve issues for people and get instant praise, and undeniable evidence that it was me that did the solving. As a manager, I’d coach a green employee for a year or two, nursing their strengths and nerfing their weaknesses, until one day they came into their own and left the nest. I’d poured a lot of effort into these people, done a lot of great work together, and then they just went on their way. I was left Travolta-ing…

I have had the same difficulty with big, hairy projects. I know that I was “in charge”, and I held sway over the majority of the technical and operational details. But I was not the one running the terraform, flipping the switch, so in the end… did I “do” the project?

I held the top job in a startup (executing for two hands-off founders) until ten years ago. I didn’t really like it. I value thought partnership, and when I was at the top of the org chart, I felt I couldn’t get the hierarchy out of the room. So when I left, I asked myself what part of running a whole software company I liked the most. The answer: working with Product, Design, and engineers to ship software. So, for the past ten years, I’ve been an Engineering Manager, Senior Engineering Manager, or Director in a variety of companies. Even as a Director, I’ve avoided managing managers exclusively. I’m most comfortable with direct responsibility for a team of devs, plus an EM or two to mentor.

It’s been a solid choice. There’s lots of EM jobs out there. I can pay my bills with the salary. I love watching people grow. I love coaching IC engineers. I love collaborating with Product and Design, and I don’t kid myself that I can do their jobs.

But it’s always been a question mark. Why haven’t I gone higher up the org chart?

I’ve justified the choice to stay tethered to the front line various ways:

• I need to remain close to execution so that my brain will “accept” the work coming out of my teams as “my work”, too
• I learn by doing, so being close to the code keeps me technical
• I’m not enough of a political animal to navigate a room of execs all trying to claim credit for the same success, while distancing themselves from a raft of failures

Ultimately, I’m not sure whether I will ever attempt to go higher. But I realized something today: Staying close to the code so I can recognize the output of my team as “my work” has limited my view of what I bring to an organization.

My impact goes far beyond metrics I’ve moved, people I’ve developed, or software I’ve shipped. My impact is how I show up every day.